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Month: September 2020

NVC and FONT

This week, for various reasons, I’ve been finding out more about Nonviolent Communication, or ‘NVC’ for short:

NVC theory supposes that all human behavior stems from attempts to meet universal human needs, and that these needs are never in conflict; rather, conflict arises when strategies for meeting needs clash. NVC proposes that people should identify shared needs, which are revealed by the thoughts and feelings surrounding these needs, and then they should collaborate to develop strategies and make requests of each other to meet each other’s needs. The goal is interpersonal harmony and learning for future cooperation.

Wikipedia

It’s a difficult thing to search for given, well, fonts, but yesterday Abi Handley gave me an overview of the FONT approach that Outlandish have taken from NVC, which stands for:

  • Feelings
  • Observations
  • Needs
  • Thoughts

Despite the order of this acronym, the aim is to acknowledge your own feelings, observations, and thoughts, and get to the needs you have in any given situation.

I don’t have much knowledge or experience with NVC, but found FONT very useful yesterday when it was important for me to push past what I was feeling to get to a solution/resolution. I simply opened my notes app, and wrote some bullet points under feelings, observations, and thoughts, before getting to needs.

I’m not sure how well it scales to really deep-seated issues we may face in life, but for nipping things in the bud that could escalate, I found FONT useful this week.


This post is Day 48 of my #100DaysToOffload challenge. Want to get involved? Find out more at 100daystooffload.com

Working out loud is noisy

Update: fellow members of our co-op took issue with this post due to the inclusion of the words “taking a punch” from a list by Austin Kleon. Although I did not intend for this to in any way glorify violence, this was how it was interpreted, and, out of respect for my colleagues, I have removed the opening section. I have also removed another reference to people working openly “punching above [their] weight”. I found listening to Kate Manne’s appearance on Philosophy Bites useful in reflecting on this.


To me, ‘showing your work’ = ‘working openly’ = ‘working out loud’ — so I’ll use them interchangeably. I think showing your work is so important to the future of successful, harmonious, purposeful organisations, that four years ago I help set up a co-op called We Are Open. We’re dedicated to spreading the “culture, processes and benefits of working openly wherever we can”.

I think working openly is vital because it builds trust. It also leads to three things pointed out by Matt Thompson, a former Mozilla colleague of mine, almost a decade ago:

  • Participation — more people can get involved!
  • Agility — new ideas can be generated!
  • Momentum — things progress more quickly!

These benefits are cumulative, meaning smaller organisations can leverage the advantages of working out loud to compete with larger organisations.


My friend and co-op colleague Laura Hilliger acknowledges, as I do, that being open is hard. Nevertheless, she frames open as an attitude that anyone can choose to adopt.

Elsewhere she points out how nerve-wracking it can be for people who are used to working in more traditional ways:

Whenever you’re going to talk about another major player in the industry or a peer or project, it can be risky. People understand the things we say differently, but being open means being willing to clarify your words and understand that your perspective might not be shared.

Laura Hilliger, Working Openly

In other words, you might choose to share your work, and other people might not like it! But that’s OK. You may have to develop a bit of a thick skin to work openly, but the benefits of doing so are enormous.


I’ve come across plenty of objections to working openly over the years, with most them boiling down to confidence. Once people get over that hurdle, though, people seem to then worry about a world where everyone is sharing everything all of the time. Well, at least they used to before everyone was sharing pretty much everything on social media…

Showing your work may be noisy when done well, but it’s ‘noisy’ in the same way that the productive buzz of an office is noisy. In that offline setting, you can’t pay attention to everyone all of the time. Similarly, online you can’t pay attention to every message in every channel you can access.

Instead, as adult human beings we scaffold people’s attention; that comes partly through the features built-in to the tools we use, but also through agreed processes. As I’ve quoted the media theorist Clay Shirky as saying many times, “it’s not information overload, it’s filter failure”.

Finally, I should point out that, in any organisation, there are private conversations. These, of course, should be respected. A private email conversation or chat conversation is no different to having a quiet word with someone in the corner of the office to make sure they’re OK. But conversations squarely about work? They definitely should be open by default, there’ so much upside!


If you’re interested in finding out more about working openly, our co-op has put together a free, short email course entitled What We Talk About When We Talk About Open. I encourage you to check it out!


This post is Day 47 of my #100DaysToOffload challenge. Want to get involved? Find out more at 100daystooffload.com

New habits die easily

If “old habits die hard” then it would appear uncontroversial to state the obvious, that new habits die easily.

There’s different views on how long it takes to form a new habit, but, for some reason, 21 days seems to be a popular opinion. The trouble is, that it’s based on theory 1950s plastic surgeon who noticed that it took at least 21 days for a patient to get used to the result of their new post-surgery look.

It makes sense why the “21 Days” Myth would spread. It’s easy to understand. The time frame is short enough to be inspiring, but long enough to be believable. And who wouldn’t like the idea of changing your life in just three weeks?

James Clear, How Long Does it Actually Take to Form a New Habit? (Backed by Science)

Proper scientific research, carried out by Phillippa Lally and her team at UCL has shown that it can take a good deal longer than 21 days to form a new habit:

In my own life, I’ve found habit formation to be very easy for some things and very difficult for others. If we step back a bit and think about things, that’s exactly what we would expect. It’s easier to engrain a habit based on something positive that I’m doing and that I enjoy (e.g. going for a run) versus something negative that I feel I’m giving up (e.g. eating less ice-cream).

On average, it takes more than 2 months before a new behavior becomes automatic — 66 days to be exact. And how long it takes a new habit to form can vary widely depending on the behavior, the person, and the circumstances. In Lally’s study, it took anywhere from 18 days to 254 days for people to form a new habit. 

In other words, if you want to set your expectations appropriately, the truth is that it will probably take you anywhere from two months to eight months to build a new behavior into your life — not 21 days.

James Clear, How Long Does it Actually Take to Form a New Habit? (Backed by Science)

The other thing to point out here is the specificity of the habit being mentioned. For example, I use Loop Habit Tracker to keep track of a bunch of things from doing press-ups and sit-ups every morning through to not eating sugar on weekdays. It’s easy for me to give myself the weekend off doing my press-ups, or not counting certain types of sugar (e.g. fructose).

The thing is not to give up and to get yourself back on track. For example, this morning, I went on the exercise bike, did my press-ups and sit-ups properly and used a 24kg kettlebell to do some weights. I’m also about to go for a long walk so I get my 10,000 steps in for the day (although that’s also a problematic number).

Motivation around my physical health is high today, mainly because I took it easy at the end of last week as I felt a cold coming on. Tomorrow, who knows? The trick is to keep on the upward trajectory.

Interestingly, the researchers also found that “missing one opportunity to perform the behavior did not materially affect the habit formation process.” In other words, it doesn’t matter if you mess up every now and then. Building better habits is not an all-or-nothing process.

James Clear, How Long Does it Actually Take to Form a New Habit? (Backed by Science)

This post is Day 46 of my #100DaysToOffload challenge. Want to get involved? Find out more at 100daystooffload.com

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